I Become One of the Boys

"Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely, Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside, (just relax, just relax) Don't you let those other boys fool you, Got to love that afro hair do. Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright. The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change. Don't you think it's strange? Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song. You go ahead, let your hair down. Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams, Just go ahead, let your hair down. You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow. 'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake, Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer? Do what you want to." - Corinne Bailey Rae

June 2009


I fell in love... It happened all of a sudden, and I have to admit it wasn't love at first sight. At first sight they were strange, dirty, foreign. At first sight, I was lonely, isolated, scared. At first sight life was hard... It was so hard I cannot even put it into words. Then I fell in love. The funny thing is, I am in love with over two thousand people known as "Watu wa Image" (The people of Image Village). Tonight will be the first night in a month that I spend out of my village (Tonight I am in Njombe), and my month in my village changed everything. Now after almost a year with these people, I am in love. Today there is not isolation, there is no strangeness, there is only my villagers to which I belong. The verb most common used in reference to me now is "Zoea" (Accustomed or used to)- "Brie, Saa Hizi Umezoea..." (Brie, now you have become used to..." The funny thing is- I have.


It has been weird lately because there is a school vacation now and since none of my teachers are from our village they all left to go visit family. So there goes all my closest friends and main support system as well as anyone who might understand a word of English. So I spent a lot of time at Mama Johnson's Mgahawa helping her cook. I paint the inside, so that it looks nice, like a real restaurant and draw a huge crowd because my villagers are amazed that an American can roll paint onto a wall...

I spend most of my time, though, with my young guy crew. Puce, Justice, William, Fredrick, Stan, Luka, Felix, and usually a few extras are a fixture in my daily life. I walk by Mwalimu Mledwa's bar and they call me over to drink beer with them. It is the middle of the afternoon and they are playing checkers and drinking. I inform them that I cannot stay there because being the only woman, I look like a prostitute which makes them all laugh. Puce reminds me that they are pretty much my closest friends in the village right now and all the mamas are on the farms working so what else am I going to do?- Good point. We all have a great time and I use the opportunity once again to teach about health issues. They act like having children or a wife is only a minor inconvenience to having outside relationships too, which is a cultural thing that I cannot get over. One on one I ask William about it. First, a word about William, I like him, he is very calm and speaks Swahili slowly and carefully to me. He doesn't loose patience with talking to me and teaches me a few new words every day. I truly believe that he is a good person. Anyways, I tell him that I will withhold judgement but I ask, "Are any men faithful to their wives/partners that he knows of in our village?" He smiles at my innocence and looks into my eyes and tells me (In Kis) "Brie, I know of no one." A heavy weight hits me as I realize I am up against a whole cultural issue. They explain to me that it is their right as men and it is expected that they go outside their marriage. I ask about what a wife would do and they tell me she can't do anything, she is a woman, she knows that is what is going to happen. I want to re-iterate that Tanzanian men are not bad people, I truly believe this, but this cultural gender divide is deep. How am I supposed to teach the A, B, C's of AIDS prevention to this culture? I already threw out A. Teaching abstinence only works at the primary school not to mid-20 year old men. So I had been focusing on B- Be faithful to one partner and get tested together. Cultural acceptance of infidelity is maybe a river I cannot cross. I don't know. There is nothing I can say or teach that they don't already know- but behavior change? I am glad they are open with me and the best that I can expect is that we keep talking.

It is now dark and I am escorted home where the guys wait respectfully outside my house. They never enter because of the cultural divide between the sexes. It is not ten minutes after I get home when I hear male voices outside again and think great now I am asking for it being friends with men and I get ready to give them an ear-full but when I open the door I see William and Justice holding Puce up and they hurriedly tell me that he wrecked his motorcycle. There is blood everywhere. His face is ripped up, his knee, his elbow. Blood is soaking through his shirt. I, once again, realize that I am the least qualified person to live here. This is the first time the guys enter my house while I look for my PC medical kit. The guys take off his shirt and I realize that I have helped a lot of barely dressed women, but not men. I am amazed by the red/pink gash on his shoulder in his smooth chocolate skin. I feel totally nauseous, but try to sop up the blood. Eventually we have him bandaged and the guys hop back on their motorcycles and leave me for the night. (Note: Puce is recovering nicely. Think there will be no infection, but definitely some scars.)

The next day I get re-paid. I find a lump in my baby toe on my right foot. On the other side of where the teachers dug the egg sack out. I show it to William and Puce. Turns out, it is another egg sack. They tell me I am an idiot. How can I not feel it sooner? They tell me this one is big too and I need to do a better job of body inspection... great. So once again I lay on a couch with none of the coddling of Mama Lau, while William and Puce not so gently dig around with needles in my baby toe. This time the egg sack is halfway behind my toe nail making it more difficult to remove than the other one. Now my baby toe resembles Swiss cheese... awesome.

Justice comes to my house to tell me that his wife has requested that I come and see her that day. I have never met her, but I go that afternoon, first I stop at Mama Johnson's who tells me that Justice's wife is her friend but is "Kali Sana" (Very fierce/tough/hard). So I am a little bit scared. This is what PC warned female PCVs about- being friends with men, causing jealousy with their wives. But I have to go. Justice's wife is beautiful- shaved head, high cheekbones, thin but holds herself regally. She greets me warmly and has cooked a ton of food for me. We are about the same age but she has four young children. Three little boys and a baby girl named Wither. Mama Wither (as I will now call her) is truly kali sana. Wither begins to cry and Mama Wither just shoots her a look that is like "Don't you dare" and even though she is a baby, she doesn't dare. I should not have been nervous, she is thrilled to have me. We have a great time together and their children are adorable. I help her wash clothes and we talk and laugh. The next day Justice shows up at my house with five pineapples- a gift from his wife, my new friend.

Finally Mjemah and Mwalango return from traveling, so at least I have some teachers, even if they are the male ones. They are putting in a new Mgahawa (Cafe/bar) almost across the street from my house. This makes me very happy because I don't really have any neighbors and I think it will be nice to have people around in the evening. We all decide to go check it out. I have Anna (with freshly painted toenails) strapped to my back and we all walk over there. I walk behind all the men at the respectful distance until finally William turns around and says "What are you doing back there where we can't talk to you?" I tell them that I am being a good Tanzanian woman which they all chuckle at and Mjemah tells me that he thinks that now I have become a man. This sort of cracks me up. The longer I am here and the more I understand, the more the gender issues bother me. People who have travelled all over Africa say that this is the way most of the countries are, however, for some reason Tanzania is particularly bad. The divide here is huge between women and men and their rights.

I start to come down with some kind of chest cold. My nose is runny and I feel horrible. Fredrick asks me if I am going to die, which I want to laugh at until I realize that people do just die here. Maybe of a runny nose, who knows? The guys want to sleep in my sitting room in case I die, but I refuse. They think I need some special drink, but like men the world 'round they have no idea how to function without women. So they send Mama Maki with a whole thermos full of chai that she has made especially for me with lemon and ginger. But she is too busy to take care of me, and they all think I need to be with someone. Ever since Puce's accident, now it is somehow okay to enter my house, so I lay coughing on the couch and the guys just lounge around my living room. Finally, Mary and Jen return... Yes! The guys are dismissed to get back to checkers, drinking, and driving their motorcycles around and two of my best friends decide it is their job to be with me non-stop. Jen goes to work cooking me porridge, and some concoction of leaves and eucalyptus berries which actually does make me feel better. Mary lays with me in bed and pets my hair. There is definitely something to be said about being one of the girls...