I am a child

"Well some thing's lost but some thing's gained. I've looked at life from both sides now from win and lose and still somehow it's life's illusion's I recall, I really don't know life at all." -Joni Mitchell



June 8-16, 2009

I lay on the couch looking up at the thatched roof. Mama Lau (Mwalimu Vakinga) runs her hands through my hair as my head rests in her lap. Baba Lau (Mwalimu Simon) gently holds my right foot as he digs into it with a needle. On his other side, Mwalimu Jen digs with another needle. Mwalimu Mary hovers over lightly blowing on my foot, which is supposedly going to help, but actually isn't stopping the pain at all. Teachers Mwalango and Mjemah refuse to look, but try to jokingly distract me. Lau dances around the living room singing and teasing me, as any little brother should. Today I am five and not twenty-five. Why am I undergoing minor surgery with needles in a Tanzanian village?



Well my little toe on my right foot has started to hurt when I walk. I think nothing of it because my body is often in some sort of pain. Eventually though I go to Mama and Baba Lau's house to see what is up. All of the teachers are hanging out there, we are there a lot because they have one of the only TV's in our village- access to the outside world. I say (In Kis, obviously) "hey my foot hurts... why?" They look at it and all exchange looks. They don't say anything to me and instead start speaking quickly to each other in Kibena, so I am not understanding a word of it until Mjemah sends a primary school student out to buy two "Big" needles he says. Then Jen calmly explains to me that there is an egg sack in my foot. The teachers then use the words "Kubwa" (big) and "Chelewa" (late) which is never good in reference to an egg sack. Apparently it needs to come out now so there I am undergoing surgery with baba Lau acting as the lead doctor. Mama Lau coddles me and I realize I am still a child with my Dad digging out slivers while my mom holds my hand. Then, I guess it was pay back time for how many naked African women I have seen because I am forced into the bedroom with Mama Lau, Jen and Mary who want to check over every inch of me for other egg sacks. Luckily, they find none. Now, I just have a big gaping hole in my baby toe. Such is life. But I try to figure out who will be most grossed out by this whole situation.... of course, my dear baby sister, Raeme. So I send that text, just to get her reaction, which was not disappointing.



A minute about Baba and Mama Lau. I love this family immensely. They are the only family where I see every member on a daily basis. Tanzanians are funny and fun to talk to but there is something really special about their relationship with each other and with me. They might be the only Tanzanian marriage where I can see love and respect when they look at each other. They are also very open with me and ask me a million questions about myself, America, life in general. They have the wonderful ability of making every conversation I have with them feel like it was the best conversation of my life and that my Swahili was amazing. They are incredibly special people and the more time I spend with them the more I love all three of them.



Mama Johnson has opened her Mgahawa (cafe) with a loan from Mwalimu Mledwa and a smaller one from me. It has been super successful and she has already started to pay back on it. She is a great cook and feeds me and feeds me. She likes to have me there to keep her company and bring in the business, which I sort of do. For one thing, I have my whole little 20-30 year old boys group who have nothing better to do then see what I am doing that day. Puce, Jaystus, Stan, Fredrick, and William are sort of like built in body guards. They are either riding their motorcycles, drinking beer, or hanging out where ever I am at. Got quite a shock the other day though when I learned that they have all fathered children- I shouldn't be so naive, but Jaystus has four and we are the same age! When I asked about marriage they all just sort of shrugged and I wonder why I came to this "man's world" where women don't matter. I remind myself that our cultures are different and I am here to learn about theirs, but never the less I give them a little lecture about taking care of their "families".



The other morning they show up at my house at 6.45 am. They never come in, I might now be considered a friend but men and women still have very significant divides. They walk me to what I think is a village meeting. Turns out it is over one hundred village men and me. I am told to sit up front with the village chairperson. I am absolutely terrified as I look out at the hundreds of dark eyes all fixed to mine as if they can read my mind... So I make sure they can't, instead of playing the everyone is naked game I play my own game- I think about Disneyland, Carmel frappicinos, zip-lining in Costa Rica, New York City, Multnomah Falls, skinny dipping in Maui, Pioneer Square brew fest at X-mas time... ha! Trying to read my mind... as if. No matter who is talking everyone is looking at me. I look out at the men I consider my fathers, brothers, friends, who have kept me safe for a year so far, so I stand up and give them my spiel... AIDS- one wife, we are all getting tested, condoms... help your wife... let your children go to school... what can we do to make this place better?.... etc. It goes over well, the men in my village include me and love me for some reason. There are definitely weird issues with being a female PCV, but you also sort of get the best of both worlds. Mary, Jen and I have the saying "HB"- meaning "handsome boy"... haha The women talk to me about periods, sex, beauty products, and a million other things I don't think would ever be said in the presence of a male PCV. Yet still, I can chill and drink beer with the guys.



I had a terrifying moment the other day. A very pregnant woman grabbed my wrist and led me into her house. Then into her bedroom (bedrooms are super sacred places in TZ, where no one besides you enters without explicit permission- so I was weirded out) then she starts undressing. She tells me this is her first child and she is having pain. Can I deliver it? SAY WHAT!?!? I feel like Prissy in Gone With the Wind when I say, "Aww, Miz Scarlett, I don' know nuthin' 'bout birthin' babies." I am terrified because we are having a village emergency and our car is broken down and our village nurse is away. Eventually, I pull together some old women who are able to help this woman give birth. Update: both baby and mother are fine and I did not deliver it... thank God.



When in Rome... or Tanzania... I went to the Shamba (farm) the other day with a bunch of mamas, since this is how we get our food, I figured I should be involved. They laid out some cloth for the kids (aged 2-4... older than that and you should be working) and told me to sit. I had to insist that I could help. Tanzanians believe that Americans are totally helpless, which I have to admit in a lot of ways we sort of are. I worked like a turk... I dug until I have open sores in my hand then we harvested sweet potatoes. This involved looking at cracks in the dirt before digging with your hands to unearth them. When I asked why we weren't using hoes they said because it breaks the potatoes.... makes sense. So I dug like a dog. They couldn't believe I did not know how to figure out where they were buried. 'How do you find them in America?' they asked incredulously. I was to embarrassed to tell them that I find them in aisle one under neon lighting after having been lightly sprayed with water... As it started to get dark the women hauled the sacks of potatoes on top of their heads, (They have such amazing balance that they do not need to use their hands at all) strapped the babies to their backs, and hiked out back out of Shamba-land into the village. I skipped along picking flowers with the toddlers and carrying nothing... in Tanzania I am a helpless child. So much to learn.


" ...People crying silent tears wondering when life will get any better. See that some thing's wrong, don't know where you belong, the wrong seem right and the right seem wrong. The world may seem upside-down but don't let that slow you down. Be a good heart and don't frown." -Desiree