My Best Valentine's Day Ever!

“In this life one cannot do great things. One can do small things with great love.” –Mother Teresa

February 14, 2010

In Tanzania, it is difficult to know the date, or even the month. None of that really matters. What is important is- is it the dry or rainy season? What do we plant now? But a few days ago, I realized that it was almost Valentine’s Day. I thought about Valentine’s Day in America: how when I was little my Dad used to bring me home a box of chocolates, about nice dinners at fancy restaurants, about jewelry and flowers and Hallmark cards, about single women who prepare themselves to eat a carton of Ben and Jerry’s and feel bad for themselves. I thought about that latter group and how that is what socially I should fit into, but because in a Tanzanian village there is no Ben and Jerry’s and because I have decided that 2010 is my year of strength and overall awesomeness- I thought forget that! This is going to be my best Valentine’s Day ever!

What to do? What is Valentine’s Day really about? Well, love for sure, usually romantic love, but I think it could be a more fulfilling holiday if instead of waiting for someone to make you feel that way, you make yourself an instrument of love. To do this, I think, one must first love themselves and then spread it to others, and not just those that one is romantically interested in. Oscar Wilde said “ To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance.” I decided on this Valentine’s Day to be gentle and loving toward myself and then seep it outward to a few hundred Tanzanians that are my neighbors and family. First things first, this is all about attitude. No feeling bad for myself, no feeling lonely, my life is full. I woke up to the rain. I was happy instead of sad. Our corn is getting watered, I can bathe today, it feels like Oregon… I accepted the rain, because I cannot change it, only how I feel about it. I did yoga and appreciated what my body could do, and was pleased that I could not do everything, because a challenge is good. I lit a fire and made a fabulous breakfast- full pot of black coffee and an egg scramble with every veggie and spice I could find. I tried to appreciate instead of regret the calories that were going in. I got dressed in nice Tanzanian clothes, I fixed my hair and made myself look nice, after all this was my day, no reason to sit around in my pjs. Plus being told that you are beautiful by a Tanzanian village feels good.

The day was special. I told and showed people in a million ways how much I loved them. I gave gifts, I was physically affectionate, I completed acts of service for those I love, I used words to tell them what they meant. I showed love to all ages and genders. I did not discriminate between people I knew or didn’t know, or whether they were dirty, poor, sick or not. Everyone I came into contact with received some form of love. And the funniest thing happened… I received it back! I guess I should have predicted that by loving myself and giving that love to others they would want to send it right back, but I received it ten fold! I am usually given gifts and told nice things by Image villagers, but today was deeper, more intense, and bigger than ever before.

I had a coloring party with about 30 primary school students. We drew on my porch on the subject “Love begins with me”. Suddenly, I had a ton of cards that were better than any Hallmark card I have ever received.

That afternoon I cooked kande with a bunch of mamas. Kande is one of my favorite Tanzanian foods it is beans and maize cooked together with a bit of salt and ginger. Then we gathered around in a circle and ate out of the big pot with our hands. We joked and told stories and played with the little kids.

At the bar that evening, I explained the concept of Valentine’s Day to the guys and told them that they should do something nice for their wives. I told them what American men do: cook dinner, help out more with chores, bring home a gift… etc. They laughed a bit, Tanzanian men think American men are totally whipped, but I try to show them that isn’t a bad thing. That night there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find about a dozen of my young guy friends with a hand picked bouquet of flowers (straight from our primary school flower bed- oops!). I almost cried because I was so in shock. “For you,” they told me, “because it is your country’s holiday and you are alone.” I laughed and thanked them, but then said, “You know, I am not really alone.” There is a lot of love in this world. If one cares to put some love out there, it will find you right back.

Late that night I heard meow-ing in the distance. I flung open the door and Kimulimuli ran right in. I have no idea where he had been and Giza is still gone, but a little piece of my heart was put back into place.