Going Home... Again

Dad and I

Wedding Day: Me, Mom and Raeme

Shannon and Erik's Wedding: Erik, Raeme, Shannon, me

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser." -Unknown

August 21, 2009

So after almost a month in America, endless plane rides re-routing all through Europe, a twelve hour bus ride ride Dar es Salaam, I am finally back to Njombe. It is amazing how easily you forget things and as I climb off the plane the smell of Africa hits me and I get the feeling of home. It is impossible to describe things like this smell. But as I get into the Tanzanian residents line, somehow Swahili comes back to me, and I look out into Dar es Salaam and the sea of beautiful dark faces that stare into mine with an innocent curiosity and I remember why I love this country. The Njombe air hits me like ice as the cold wind blows over the Southern Highlands and I once again greet in Kibena and America feels like a dream.

Less than a week ago, I was walking down Hawthorne, I was driving through the Dutch Brothers drive through, I was in a gown watching my sister get married... I saw people I love, people I have known my whole life who remind me of where I come from, which is important. For some reason it is easy to get caught up in who this "African Brie" is, and being in America, being with friends and family reminded me that I can be as tough as I want, I can be as "African" as I can be, but at the heart of it, I will never be a Tanzanian. I will never understand why men are allowed to beat their wives, why children do all the work, why nothing runs on time, at the real heart of it, I will never really understand Swahili and Bena, my skin will never be a beautiful chocolate color and I will never be able to think that the fatter you are the more beautiful you are. At the real depth of it, I am only a white girl from West Linn, Oregon. I am an American. No matter what I do, I will never be Tanzanian. I love this country. I love these people but going home reminded me where I belong.

Tanzania has changed my life. I will never be the same. This country's people will be important to me for as long as I live and will always be intertwined into my life no matter what I do. So today as I head back to my village, which happens to be the year anniversary of when I first moved into Image Village. I realize, how far I have come. And I return with love in my heart for my Image family, my African house and my annoying little cat. I remember a year ago today, the fear I felt, the loneliness... the unknown. Now I get to go back knowing. So "Brie's Tanzanian Vision Quest" continues as I begin my second year, living alone in the middle of nowhere, with people who have a culture and a language that are not my own, experiencing a life that most Americans wouldn't choose. But somehow, today, I feel at peace with it. Secretly, I know, I was always meant to do this, to put myself through this. And when you are following what you are supposed to be doing your heart is always at peace. Whatever happens will happen.