My Bride Price

"My friends from high school married their high school boyfriends, moved into houses in the same zip codes that their parents lived but I, No, I could never follow... I've been a long time gone now, maybe someday, someday, I'm gonna settle down., but I've always found my way somehow by takin' the long way, Takin' the long way around."
-Dixie Chicks

July 6-13, 2009

I return to my village from Morogoro. I get multiple texts from PCVs about being robbed. I walk to my front door, expecting the worst. Instead there are three baskets: one is full of groundnuts for roasting, one is full of fresh eggs, one is full of maize to grind into ugali flour. Then there is a bunch of bananas straight from the Jungle Book cut right out of the tree. I am not sure how many bananas my village thinks I can eat but apparently about one hundred. I guess it was clear I was not robbed. I see Justice early on who tells me how much they all missed me and that the second day I was gone they were all so bored. So it was nice to be missed. Anna runs to me clapping her hands and giggling. I was only gone a week but they were clearly happy for my return.

Setting the Scene: Primary School garden area

Me: Surrounded by 900 dirty little kids, in my brand new skirt sitting in the dirt. My long (fake) blonde (fake) braids swing into my eyes. My red nail polish is caked in dirt as I stuff plastic tubes with dirt along with the students. So that we can plant trees in them in a few days.

Jen: Sitting in a chair her dark hair braided in cornrows (real), holding her stick to beat the students. She has on her high heels and cute little skirt. She smiles sweetly at me and shows off her one dimple. (We actually look not so different for being entirely different. The M. Mkuu has started calling me Jen Marekani and her Brie Tanzania.) The other teachers sit is various other places around the garden holding sticks and talking while the children and I work.

I tell Jen about my morning and how it sucked: first I chased Siyafu out of my house, then I scraped rat guts off my floor (thanks Kimulimuli... maybe you can eat all of it the next time), then I had to haul wood to make a fire tonight (it is freezing here now,) then I re-arranged my guest room....

(Conversation in English)

Jen: Brie, your family is going to be very surprised. You are not very soft anymore. (Unfortunately, she is not talking about my body). It is not good, you are turning into a village woman. You should stay soft.

Me: I live alone, I have work to do. I have to work.

Jen: You still are the most beautiful woman in our village and look like a princess (being white and fat here are valued traits), but you should not be working in the dirt with the children. You should stay soft. Your bride price will go down. Your father is going to be very disappointed.

Me: There isn't a bride price in America. No one is going to pay to marry me, my father is not going to be disappointed if he doesn't receive any cows. As long as the students are working there is no point in just sitting there I can work with them together. (Fundamental cultural difference: Tanzanians view children as lower class, they do not nurture individuality or Independence in children.)

Jen: Brie, your family is going to be disappointed with us. We are supposed to have taken care of you and you are dirty and fierce now. They will be surprised that you will not be well-behaved.

(Here I laugh to myself: not being well-behaved is one thing that I don't think will surprise my family. And I think of my Bami who reminds me- well- behaved women rarely make history.)

So for two day I make a point of working side by side with the students. The teachers tell me I will not be respected if this is what I do. The next day 18 students show up at my house to haul water and firewood for me. I have not asked them to do this none of the teachers asked them to do this. When Mwalimu mledwa questions why they came on their own accord they shyly remain silent, until one boy finally bravely says: "Because she is our friend."... Ha! I think I won that one! Not respecting me, whatever.

I got too involved in a domestic dispute which we are not supposed to do. Wither (Justice's daughter) was really sick. She is only a baby and Mama Wither came to me and told me that she was scared. I immediately offered up the money for a hospital bill but she said that wasn't the problem. It is that she asked Justice for the money and he said no. So I do what I know I should not and step into it. That night he is drinking at the bar with all of us and I say- hey, I think you are a good person and a pretty good husband but you need to give your wife some money and care for your baby. He agrees. But then the next day she tells me that he was really mad that she told me their business. Sometimes it is hard not to step in and with them when I am friends with the whole family it is even more difficult. Wither ended up going to the hospital and now is feeling a bit better.