To Those I Love...

"May God's blessing keep you always, may your wishes all come true. May you always do for others and let others do for you. May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung. May you stay forever young."
-Dylan


March 29, 2009


Today is my birthday. I am now 25... a quarter of a century. My friends, Adina and Kate, threw me a great birthday party at the Kibena Club with all sorts of Njombe friends. There was even a cake. And I looked around the room at people I have known for less than a year, but somehow realized how important they have become in my life, and I felt truly blessed to have met so many beautiful caring people in the last ten months. Still though, on my birthday, I take time to reflect over the past 25 years to the people who have shaped my experience and influenced my choices and I feel thankful for everyone I love at home.


In my mind, it is easy to picture the living room of the house that I grew up in. I can visualize the wood ceiling, the oriental rug, and the stone fireplace that always reminded me of "Beauty and the Beast" when I was a child. How I loved that room. It had seen countless family movie nights, birthday parties, Christmas trees, kids falling asleep under blankets and cats, forts, yule logs, amateur theatre productions, Halloween costumes and hugs. I always go there in my mind when I really miss home. I think that everyone that I love has been in that room. That room really represented my family: it wasn't always very orderly, but it was warm and inviting and we all loved to be home together.

Sometimes when I am thinking about my life, I remember my childhood. I picture myself in 8th grade, Jessie and I sitting in the back of Penny's Jeep painting our nails and listening to Jewel. Children and adults all at the same time. I picture growing up on Pattulo. I can smell the Tualatin River in summertime. Jessie, Jimmy, Jasmine, Kyle, Rian and I jumping off the dock into the murky green depths. I think of Rian and I in high school, sitting on his porch swing at dusk in the summer as slowly the stars start to appear and the crickets begin to sound. I think of my best friend, Noora, and the first moment I saw her on our first day at college and felt some sort of pull to be her friend. Today she is someone who always reminds me who I am and who I want to become at the same time. When I am with her I feel balanced and reconnected. I picture us swimming in Maui- I remember her smile, her strength. I think about Willowbrook. The field of my childhood, where I learned the lessons of an adult. I picture my little Hannah, my friend who can always understand and relate to what I am going through. We are always on the same page. I think we could talk straight for ten hours and still have something to say. It was with her support and encouragement that this journey to Africa felt like a good life decision.

I miss Reed's family almost as much as my own. His family is warm and inviting and they give the best hugs- it is like a genetic trait in them, or something. I picture both his sets of parents and picture them happy and enjoying their large families. Reed's siblings- Pete, Kari and Clark are like the three older siblings that I never had. They let me join right into their family and all three of them are caring generous people with great senses of humor. I remember what it felt like to come "home" in Eugene to Clark, Gwen and Reed. Gwen and I would lounge on the couch in our Oregon Sweatshirts drinking wine, or put mascara on in the bathroom for a big night out at Taylor's Bar and Grill. I miss Gwen and Clark like crazy. Then there is Reed- there is always thoughts of Reed. I remember the first moment I saw him and wasn't aware how- but knew he was going to be a major factor in my life. For four years he has been my confidante, my best friend and my partner in crime. Rollin' in his Thunderbird with our sunglasses on, me in my pink sundress and Potato (Clark's dog) in the back seat- looking for some kind of adventure. Reed and I are always looking for somewhere to explore. We look for swimming holes, pumpkin patches, good vegetarian food, hot springs, wineries, caves to spelunk, live music, waterfalls, movies we haven't seen, poison dart frogs, wild mushrooms and more. We just never had to look very far for someone who shared all our same interests. Reed encourages me to push myself through my fears- like zip-lining through the cloud forest in Costa Rica, which, I guess, is why when I told him that I was going on the adventure of moving to Africa for two years he did not stop me. This is not the same though, and I miss my boyfriend. Through the ups and downs of this exploration, I always wish Reed was by my side.

I picture our family camping trips with the Normandins and the Shaws. I remember what it was like to curl up in the "girls tent" surrounded by my sisters and the girls I have known for my whole life after a long day of swimming, sailing, and roasting s'mores. I remember standing on the stairs in Kappa Kappa Gamma, my sorority house, in my black dress and heels with my pin on to go down to Monday night dinner. I remember how my sorority sisters made college a fun and memorable experience for me. I think about the girls who will be my friends for life.

I think about my great uncles who I am lucky to know. My Uncle Bob and his chuckle laugh and his love of children and I picture all the love and support he would give these lonely African children. I think of my Uncle Frank and his ability to tell great stories and his example to follow your dreams and live an adventurous life. I think about my cousin Constance playing the piano and drinking wine with X and my parents. I think about her laugh which is infectious. I think about two of the women I most admire, my cousins, Tracy and Alex. They are both always working on something creative and pushing their talents to new levels. They are both beautiful and artistic and every time I am with them, I hope a little of them will rub off on me. My cousin, Janet, was the last person I saw before coming to Africa. Janet is generous, open-hearted and reminded me of the long family history that I come from.

I think about my uncle, Joe, enjoying the natural world. Finding peace in nature and I am inspired of the way he follows his own path like I am attempting to do. I picture my uncles, Scott and Thomas. Scoot is doing the "Preacher's Seat" into a swimming hole and Thomas is singing "Norwegian Wood" by the campfire. I picture them playing their instruments and teasing my sisters and I. My favorite thing about my uncles is when they would make my Dad laugh and act like a kid. I remember my Cousin, Brooke, swimming in the Illinois River. Every time I feel like giving up and going home, I hope for a little of her resilience so we can both keep strong together. I think of my cousin, Christopher's imagination as a child. I hope that one day I can write a book even half as good as one of his wild stories.

I think about my Aunt Noreen- who helped mother me through the coming of age dramas like breaking up with boyfriends and starting college. I picture her on horseback with my Aunt Jaime as girls. My Aunts who are caring women who love animals and being outside. I love to receive their letters and packages all the way over here. I think of my Aunt Lori, who always treated me like an adult as a child and listened to me like what I had to say was important and mattered even when I was a kid. She is an incredibly loving woman who has always wanted the best for our whole family.

I picture my grandparents and arriving at their house amongst the smell of pines and madrones. They get up from their chairs as my big noisy family comes in. I picture my Grandpa in his workshop and my Grandma reading quietly with a cup of Lemon Lift tea. I picture my Mom's family seated at Thanksgiving while my Grandpa says grace. After dinner my Grandma will beat everyone at a Spellbound game. Later that night, Shannon will do "beetle-on-it's-back" in the cellarium (Hilarious- if you know Shannon circa 1991) because we are too excited to be at my grandparent's house to sleep. I think about how my grandparents relationship, along with my parents, demonstrated to me what it means to love someone unconditionally, to compromise and what a good marriage should look like. Some of my happiest memories are with my grandparents who embody everything that a good grandma and grandpa should.

I think of my Bami. I picture us getting up early and burning toast and playing Monopoly. She has always been one of my best friends. I think of us trumping around London and me hauling her off to every castle we can get to. Somehow I inherited some of her adventurous, restless spirit- so here I am on my own adventure. My Bami has always believed that I could do anything- she has encouraged me to stay young, take risks and love deeply. But mostly to be myself. And I actually did come "A Zimba Zia".

I think of my little Sophie and Nicole, playing dress up together. I picture Sophie singing and dancing around. I wish I could curl up and watch "Sleeping Beauty" (our favorite movie) with them now. I miss my brothers, David and Jeremy. I miss their freckled noses and big blue eyes. I miss their excitement in the small things- snow, hot chocolate, a new toy... I miss hearing them laugh out loud at movies and watching their re-enactments of Harry Potter. I miss their bathroom talk at the dinner table and hearing them discuss how they were going to become "Planet Earth" photographers. I remember when Reed and I took them to the water park and I was terrified one of them would drown so I made us both watch them like a hawk. Being 15 years older than them is a crazy experience. They are always up to something.

Then there are my sisters- Shannon and Raeme. I was really lucky to be the oldest of three girls. I always tried to play the big sister role but it did not take me long to realize that anything I tried, my sisters were infinitely more gifted at. I loved theatre, but I will never forget seeing my sisters onstage. Shannon played King Henry and Raeme some old woman in their respective shows. In both I had to hold back tears of pride, and feel happy that in some small way they both belong to me. I watched Raeme exceed my skill at volleyball. I went to state for mock trial and then Raeme went to nationals. Shannon has always been a beautiful artist. She can do everything. I always loved to read and write but was rejected from advanced placement English in high school, where my sisters both flourished. I guess I set the bar, sometimes not all that high, for my sisters to leap passed. But with each of their leaps, I stopped to feel grateful and proud that these are my sisters. I think of Raeme as Mrs. Megason- pushing her shopping cart around and animatedly telling stories. I picture when I wrecked my car and she held me as I cried hysterically into her and she quieted me and told me she was glad I was alright. I picture the morning of my dad's heart attack, where we held hands and cried at the foot of his bed and wondered if our lives would be changed forever. Raeme and I are two peas in a pod- which wasn't always easy but I am thankful for it now. I think of the email she wrote me when I came to Tanzania telling me she was proud of me and how much she admire me and how I bawled like a baby in the internet cafe in the middle of Tanzania because I miss my baby sister. Then there is Shannon, my longest friend, I don't have a memory before she was in my life. Shannon is my partner in imaginative play. I think about how she was able to do everything crafty- just like my mom, which I envied her for. I could not sit still but Shannon could cook, knit, embroider, sew, garden and bead. She was domestic and patient. I think about playing with her- being mermaids in the swimming pool, Indians in the woods, pretending that we were famous gymnasts in the Olympics. I think about her today and how I am so happy that she has met Erik, someone who complements her personality and makes her smile. With Shannon I can be anything, but mostly, I can be myself, which wasn't always perfect, but I always knew she loved me.

Lastly, there are the two people who I love more than anything- my two best friends, or also, my parents. I still remember when I realized that my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was in her garden clothes, kneading bread dough with flour on her face and trying to help Raeme with homework. She was doing it all flawlessly and now I realize that I should have told her right then. My mom is one of the most multi-talented people I know. You can ask her anything and she will know something about it. In college, I would call my mom everyday. My friends were rebelling (but I got this out of the way in high school) and I was cultivating an adult relationship with the woman I most admire. There are too many things to list that I have learned from my mom and no one in my family would be anywhere without her. She always has everyone else's best interest at mind. I realize now that she spent 25 years trying to make me happy. She is the kind of person who packs cherries on a picnic because she knows you like them best, or says tonight let's get bundled up and go see Christmas lights because she wants my little siblings to have the complete holiday experience. She would pop popcorn and make a movie night or suggest a family game. She worked hard for all of us and to keep us all happy and together. She was always realistic when I would call her with boyfriend problems and is never like many moms who automatically take their daughter's side. She would listen to me complain and then say- "Well what did you do to make him do that?" Which is proof that my mom knows me better than anyone else in the world- of course, her feisty, dramatic daughter is never innocent. My mom is a prime a example of someone who is everyday making the world a better place then when she got here. She lives through compassion, sensitivity and kindness.

Then there is my Dad. In a million ways I am a "daddy's girl." When Reed and I started dating, I remember telling Reed while we were carving pumpkins that my Dad is the best pumpkin-carver ever. Reed said sweetly, "I don't think I will ever be able to live up to your dad." I shrugged and told him that no one could. My Dad and I have some sort of common thought process. For one thing we like and are interested in many of the same things. For music we mostly like classic rock- from Tom Petty to Led Zeppelin, Janice to Dylan. We both find archeology interesting, as well as, Celtic Pagans, folklore and old poetry, Shakespeare and good movies- basically, we both "nerd out" on the same things. I think our undergraduate transcripts probably look very similar- both covering a wide range of humanities and arts topics and both very unfocused. My sisters and I adore our Daddy- he was the perfect dad for three daughters. He was willing to sing along with "The Little Mermaid", and to throw us in the pool while we screamed in our little girl high pitch voices. My Dad is smart. He is thoughtful and reflective. He is someone who can say to me out of nowhere "What are you thinking?" and always catch me in deep thought. While working at my dad's law firm, I realized that it is not just our family that loves him, but everyone he works with too, and all his friends. He is a great storyteller and people always like to be around him. My parents both have so much going on that I always felt a bit sorry that I came along to mess it all up for them, before they could fully realize all their talents. My parents talk intellectually, and they work in the dirt side by side. They have shown me what real love looks like, as they work hard on their relationship and on building our family. I think as you get older you are supposed to stop thinking your parents can do anything- apparently I still have not reached that point.

So on my birthday, I remember all these people who have shaped my life and taught me what I know today. For each of them I have learned lessons that have helped me to be strong in Tanzania and helped me continue to attempt to influence the world and make it a better place one small step at a time. Thank you, thank you, loving friends and family.

"Half-wrecked prejudice leaped forth 'Rip down all hate', I screamed Lies that life is black and white spoke from my skull I dreamed Romantic facts of musketeers Foundationed deep somehow Ah, but I was so much older then, I am younger then that now."
-Dylan